Drive Apartments
by GammaKiwi
Summary: Kamen Rider Drive's Shift Cars are now people! Follow Shift Speed as he tries to survive the Drive Apartments without losing his sanity to the antics that occur daily.
1. Out Of Fuel

With a laborious heave, Shift Speed pried himself from his bed and lumbered to the kitchen.

He was the first of the Shift brothers to move into the Drive Apartments, with Wild and Technic still getting their things packed for the move. Hopefully, this meant he could have a nice, calm break from their job. Goodness knew he'd had enough of that.

First, though, came coffee.

The jug was currently sitting by the sink, but the power outlet was at the other end of the bench. Speed had to drag it a full two metres in order to plug it in and turn it on.

Now he had to remember where the coffee itself was stored in this new place. Good lord, he needed that stuff like he needed oxygen! Eventually, he thought to look in the cupboards above the bench. However, all he found was plates and glasses.

_Wait_, he thought, _isn't there more than one cupboard?_

Sure enough, when he moved his search from the left cupboard to the right, he found sugar, salt, pepper, tea (why did he even have that?) and **coffee**. Grinning, he lifted down the jar of nectar from the cupboard, unscrewing the lid and sniffing deeply, enjoying the smell of nothing.

Wait.

He didn't smell anything!

Speed could do naught but stare at his empty coffee jar, unable to comprehend the concept of running out of coffee. It was too horriffic. He _needed_ coffee to function in the mornings. It was his _fuel_! Without it, he was nothing more than a zombie!

The slackjawed silence was broken by the sound of someone chuckling. Speed eventually came to, and noticed it was coming from an unfamiliar voice in his new apartment.

"Did you take my coffee? Who are you?"

The voice revealed itself, a young man in orange. "Congratulations! I'm Max Flare, and you've just been initiated into Drive Apartments!"

Speed had him by the throat in a flash. "MY COFFEE! WHERE IS IT, YOU GIT?"

"Oh, uh..." Flare nervously chuckled. "I... threw it out."

"And then he threw me out."

"Flare, Flare, Flare," chided Funky Spike, passing him a fresh icepack. "You really thought it was a good idea to prank someone who depended on coffee?"

"Hey, I thought that was just a myth!" Flare retorted, slapping the icepack over the left side of his face.

"Well, it's not. Now, will you make it up to him?"

"Rev no! I'm a master prankster, I don't have to _apologise_ for my deeds!"

"And that's why you're never getting a girlfriend."

"Oh, shut up!"


	2. Brawl

"GIVE ME THE REMOTE, MONSTER, OR SO HELP ME I WILL MAKE YOUR NEXT SERVING OF BACON STEW _WITHOUT_ BACON!" yelled Justice Hunter as he leapt over the couch to jump on him.

"That is an acceptable price to pay for getting to watch _Soul Rider _over those stupid cop shows!" Massive Monster yelled back as he raced to the far corner of the room, flinging pillows at Hunter as he went.

"They are _not_ stupid! It is important that we remember what the police do on a daily basis to keep us safe!" Hunter snapped as he dove to pin down Monster.

"That's hyperbole, and you know it!" Monster rolled aside, racing for the door and crashing into the man standing there holding a bunch of groceries.

Both of them tumbled to the ground, spilling foodstuffs everywhere.

The man was dressed in a red shirt and black pants with white stripes. "What the rev were you doing in my apartment?" he growled, extremely furious.

"Oh, I- uh- OOF!" Monster's hasty attempt to form an explanation of his and his roommate's eccentric fights over their taste in TV was cut off by Hunter diving on top of them, adding to the dogpile.

"Don't you worry about a thing, sir! I'll have my roomma- YEOWCH!" Hunter's attempts to grab their remote from Monster was cut off by a powerful bite from him.

"I will not relenquish you this treasure for any threat or bribe!" cried Monster as he raced back into the apartment, Hunter on his heel.

"I SWEAR, I WILL TAKE THAT REMOTE FRO-"

* * *

"-M YOU IF IT's the… last… thing I… do?" Hunter's bellow was mellowed as he noticed the sudden change in location.

"...What?" was all Monster could say.

"Did he… teleport us?" wondered Hunter, unsure how he'd ended up at the far end of the corridor in such a short period of time.

"No. I think he used speed. I actually felt quite a bit of wind for a second."

Hunter whistled in a 'wow, that's impressive' manner. "Now _that's_ a useful Signature to have. Better than Restraining or Biting, that's for sure."

There was silence. Monster was long gone.

"...Alright, you little twerp, where are you now?..."


	3. Insomnia

Speed almost flew from his bed when he heard the mighty scream from right next door, but the bunk bed above him meant for Wild caught him before he went too far. Unfortunately, this catch was rather painful, taking him even further from the promised land of Nod.

As he began to peel himself from the bunk, he heard shouting from next door. Deciding that if he wanted sleep he'd need to nip this in the bud _now_, he gave an extra hard shove against the bed above. After a few seconds, he finally popped back onto the bed, then got up and glanced at the clock.

_1:08am? Well, at least I'll still get __**some**_ _sleep in._

Whipping over to the door, he stepped through and came to the next door along, upon which he gave a few knocks to the rhythm of the first few notes of the _Gaia Mages_ theme song.

The door was answered by a young woman in white and gold pajamas, groggy from waking at such an early hour. "Hey. Look, I'm sorry about my bro- ther…"

Then the two of them recognised eachother. "Speed?"

"Vegas? I had no idea you lived here now!" Speed semi-exclaimed, keeping his voice down due to the hour.

"Yep!" Vegas beamed. "Cab and I moved in a few weeks ago, after our parents told us to get our own place. And since we're… 'involved' with you three, Technic got us our own room here."

"Seriously? I only moved in two days ago, and already I'm catching up with old friends! A vast improvement over getting my door broken down on the seco-"

Another great screech cut him off, making them both jump. "For the love of the gods, leave that cat alone!" someone yelled from down the hallway.

"...That was Cab, wasn't it?"

"Yep," Vegas sighed. "He's playing that new horror game, 'Five Nights at Fred's' or something. I tried to tell him to stop, but he refuses to give up yet."

Speed rolled his eyes. "Gimme a crack at him." He blinked into Vegas's room behind Cab, sitting at their computer in yellow and black pajamas, and grabbed his shoulder.

The effect was immediate and hilarious. "YAAAAAAAAAAAH- oh, hey, Shift Speed!" Cab yelped. "What brings you here?"

Speed decided to go the blunt Renegade path. "You screaming like a banshee at one in the morning, whaddaya think?"

Cab blinked, glanced at the clock, and double-taked. "Ten past one?! Okay, Freddy, you win this night," he sighed, pressing the Quit key on his keyboard.

"Thank you, Dimension Cab," smiled Speed. "Now this building's residents can all get some sleep." At this, Cab blushed.

"Hey Speed, before you run off, can I just bring something up?" called Vegas from the door.

"Sure," replied Speed, zipping to beside her. "Bring up away!"

Vegas giggled. "Don't you think it's a _little_ suspicious that we're right next door?"

Speed just gave a quizzical look.

"Technic got you your room, right?"

"Yes," confirmed Speed, "but the plan is that all three of us will live there soon. Wild's bringing in some of the useful goods in a week or so."

"Right," Vegas persisted, "but Technic's still the one who set us up right next door to eachother, didn't he?"

"I don't think I see your poi-" Realisation dawned on Speed's face. "-Oh, that little rascal," he growled. "When he gets here, I'm going to have a good, long word with him about shipping." Turning back to face Vegas, he said, "Thank you for bringing this to my attention. Catchup later this morning, or is college still on with you?"

"It is, but not until 1pm. See you in the morning!" Vegas beamed, turning to head for her bedroom.

"'Night," Speed called, before blinking back into his room, straightening his sheets, and slipping back into them. Unfortunately, it was only three minutes before his bladder started emitting distress signals.


	4. Surprise Appearance

The parched grassland backroads of Hardy County never saw much use by the people of Hardy County itself, especially since the local council built proper highways to use. Nowadays, only people passing from Factory County to Hills County or vice-versa used it out of sheer convenience, such as the old, run-down ute now trundling its way along.

Within, two very manly men jested.

"...So I says to the guy standin' nex' ta me," the man in mustard yellow guffawed as he drove, "'And you thought she didn't have any balls!'" His beard flopped around as he howled with laughter.

His companion in black, clean-shaved and youthful, giggled for a moment before releasing a single "HA!" Simmering down, he noted, "Aw man, I gotta remember that one for Speed."

A lightbulb clicked in his head. "Wait, Speed! I was supposed to call him and I forgot! DANGIT!" he cried in panic as he began to scrabble for something.

"Right 'ere, Wild," the yellow-dressed driver smirked, reaching into his shirt and pulling out a SmartBrain Kaixa.

"Huh? Oh, right, I gave it to you to hang on to," Shift Wild mumbled sheepishly as he took it. "Thanks, Dump."

"S'alright. Least you remembered you were s'posed to call this time, eh buddy?" chuckled Rumble Dump, watching his passenger spin the phone open and dial a number.

"Yeah," Wild smiled wistfully, bringing the phone to his ear.

After a few moments of dial tone, the familiar voice of his brother came through. "Hey Wild! Didn't realize Tech' wanted that status update already!"

"Uh, actually, that's not what I'm calling about," Wild clarified. "There's been a slight change in plan."

"Really?" Speed asked, sounding mildly confused. "I'm guessing Project Next is facing another hiccup?"

"Not at all! He's actually got the robot up and running, and he's called it Signal Mach!"

"...He built a robot himself," muttered Speed frostily. "I suppose this one has the free will to rebel?"

Wild sighed. "No, Speed," he said, "it will not do anything of the sort."

"It better not," Speed growled. "But at least that's all he's working on, right?"

"...Uhh…" Wild hesitated.

"Alright, what else is he doing?" probed Speed.

"...Studying Formula and Triple's Signatures."

"He **WHAT**?!" Speed yelled, furious.

"Ow!" Wild yelped as he leapt in his seat, dropping his phone.

"Hoo boy. Speed ain't happy 'bout the li'l ones gettin' involved, is 'e?" Dump observed.

"Not in the least," Wild muttered as he bent forwart to pick his phone back up.

* * *

"Uh, Speed? Is everything alright over there?" Vegas called from her couch, cradling a cup of tea in her hands.

"That… remains to be seen," Speed muttered, returning his SmartBrain Faiz to his ear.

After a moment, Wild's voice returned. "Darnit, Speed, why'd you have to yell into your phone?" he complained.

"If I hear from Technic that he intends to have them both - or even just Formula - join us in action, there are going to be some stern words exchanged," Speed spoke with venom.

"Technic built the first atom collider at her age, didn't he?"

"That's different," chided Speed exasperatedly. "The atom collider is for scientific purposes. We, meanwhile, are fighting maniacal machines!"

"...That is an excellent point," Wild conceded, "but I'd like to not rack up a huge phone bill. Can we discuss the original point of this call now?"

"Sure," Speed sighed, cooling down. "What did you want to talk about?"

"Well," Wild grinned, "turns out I have even fewer personal belongings than you do, so I'm moving in with you tomorrow!"

"...Seriously?" groaned Speed. "I thought I was going to get at least a week to myself."

"Nope!" Wild laughed. "You're gonna have to put up with me again, big bro!"

"Oh, for the love of the gods," Speed grumbled, before realizing something. "Wait. When you arrive, be on the lookout for a guy called Max Flare. He's a prankster, and he'll likely try to pinch something of yours."

"Is that so?" Wild chuckled. "Well, don't you worry. An old friend of ours is riding in the back, looking out for my stuff."

"Who, Spin Mixer?" Speed asked.

"No."

"Rolling Gravity?"

"Nope."

"...Road Winter?"

"Midnight Shadow," Wild finally revealed.

"...Huh. That'll be fun to watch."

"Probably. Say," Wild asked, "How'd you find out about this guy anyway?"

"He swiped my coffee," answered Speed.

It was several seconds before Wild managed to reply, and it was full of shock. "How is he still _alive_?!"

"He didn't know who I was. Chances are he won't know who you are either."

"You're kidding, right?" Wild said with disbelief. "Aren't we kind of important these days?"

"Only back home," Speed replied. "We're moving five counties across, and the Virals haven't noticed yet."

"Good point," Wild conceded.

* * *

Max Flare and Funky Spike's apartment was littered with books, yet not one of them was fiction.

"This is boring!" Flare groaned as he fell backwards from sitting crosslegged to on his back. "Why do I have to write about Winter County? _Nothing_ interesting or important has _ever_ happened in Winter County!"

Spike sighed and rested his face in his hand. "You haven't gotten to Star Surf's biography, have you?"

"Who's he?" Flare asked boredly.

"Star Surf is to theatre as Colorful Commercial is to advertisement."

"Wait," Flare said, sitting up properly, "we can do pop icons for this?"

"Well, yes," explained Spike. "The assignment states you have to write about an event that had a significant impact on history. And Star Surf, well…" he chuckled lightly, "there would be no Idiot Hero cliche if not for him."

Flare was already shuffling through the books around him, grinning excitedly. "Oh, rev yes! I can actually talk about the crazy events that lead up to the opening night of _Revenge Force II_! This is-"

"Hey Flare!" Monster called, peeking in the front door. "Old ute just showed up! New guy moving in!"

"-Going to have to wait."

Spike cursed under his breath. Flare had run off. Again.

* * *

He poked his eyes above the bushes, keenly watching the vehicle. He would not fail his mission.

Speed and his brother returned to the old ute, each taking a case of clothing. Wild's was at least twice as big as Speed's.

"Seriously," he heard Wild say, "I'm surprised you didn't just pop your Throttle Ring and lay into him."

Speed chuckled. "I was angry, but not _that_ angry. Lacking coffee won't make me kill."

As they departed, another figure creeped around the opposite side of the ute. He shiftily watched the two brothers depart the vehicle, Wild telling a joke about a female golf player. Once they had gone inside, the figure edged to the back, preparing to take something.

This was not allowed.

"Don't." No theatrics, no threats, Midnight Shadow just appeared right in front of the would-be thief.

He paused, looking like a deer in headlights. "Uh- uhh… sorry?"

"Try this again," Shadow intoned, "and I will glady take a finger as punishment."

The thief's hasty fleeing would have been hilarious, if he'd been the kind of man to indulge in humor. But he had a ute to guard.


End file.
